In a Bind
by dokucchi
Summary: After a failed Jutsu, the Akatsuki find themselves in a strange shinobi-less world with no way back. The S-Rank criminals are forced to survive and adapt until they can find a way home. /Akatsuki in the real world. Cringe worthy semi-dark humor. No romance, but there will be misunderstandings and homoerotic bromances. Honestly they're gonna be horrible people and awkward dorks.
1. Where are we?

Something happened. Something that wasn't in their plans.

The Akatsuki had just attacked Sunakagure. It was a carefully planned out assault meant to force a war between the already strained countries of Suna and Iwa. Having recently sealed the five-tailed beast, most of the Akatsuki members were going to channel and combine their chakra, partially summoning the beast while Itachi used his Sharingan to put the beast under his control. There were some of issues that came up but all in all, the mission was looking successful.

It had been a draining task to keep the beast summoned from a distance, summoning only a very precise piece of it so it would be easier to control. All of the Akatsuki members were tired out with most of them showing signs of chakra exhaustion. Itachi seemed to have the worst of it, and Pein noted his own chakra reserves were far lower than he would like. Still he believed himself to be better off than the majority of their group. Thankfully all they had to do now was for them to escape the country without being seen.

As the Akatsuki were taking their leave, the mission took a bad turn. They were spotted by a team of Suna scouts who managed to signal for reinforcements before their swift defeat. Those reinforcements then managed to catch sight of them as well. They couldn't afford to be found involved in the attack, especially not after coming so far. Pein would be damned if he let everything fall to pieces when success was so close!

A battle erupted with the reinforcements, but with how worn out the Akatsuki were they couldn't afford to take any chances. During the battle some of the attacks used by both sides were visible from the village, which only made things worse. As Pein sensed more Suna-nin approaching and had to think of something to get the entire Akatsuki, as well as the witnesses that would need to be disposed of, out of there immediately.

Desperate for an escape plan, Pein thought of one of his Jutsus that was near completion. It was a variant of the Flying Thunder God Technique that would be perfect for moving groups through large distances. Even though the Akatsuki leader had worked on it for months and truly believed it only needed some rigorous testing, it was extremely reckless. Under any other circumstances he would not dare to take the risk.

As if it wasn't reckless enough to attempt to use the potentially incomplete Jutsu, the man was also planning to use it on 12 people at once, while low on chakra! Gritting his teeth, the Akatsuki leader performed the appropriate hand symbols. This would have to be their only choice.

The next time Pein opens his eyes, he was greeted by a canopy of lush trees and a dim night sky. He could feel the cold wind that shook the trees above him and the generally cool feeling around him. It was obvious he wasn't in Suna anymore.

Based on how green his surroundings were, he would guess they were somewhere in the land of fire but something felt... odd. The stoic man couldn't point out what it was, he just _knew_ this wasn't the land of fire. The more time that passed, he was sure of it.

The Akatsuki leader sat up to see a sea of black and red robes scattered around him. It was his subordinates bodies, plus the two Suna-nin. A small exhale left him as he sensed a steady enough amount of chakra in their bodies. They were unconscious, but alive.

As Pein moved to stand he noticed he had been using Zetsu's body as a pillow and had one of his legs draped over Itachi, with the other on Tobi's back. Come to think of it, everyone seemed to have landed in rather embarrassing ways that whether it be using another member as a pillow or leaning into someone elses body. Deidara for example, was curled up in the nook of Kakuzu's arm. Pein was definitely not looking forward to how that was going to end.

Fighting against his heavy body and the persistent dull ache in his head, Pein forced himself to stand. He didn't like how uneasy this place made him feel; it was like a looming omen for something horrible to come.

He managed to relax once he sensed people in the distance; It seemed like a large village was nearby. At least now they'd be able to find out where they were with little trouble. By tomorrow morning they'd be on their way to the nearest base and back to business as usual.

Speaking of the others, he should at least wake Konan. With little effort he managed to find his partner with her legs tucked next to Kisame's side and her head resting on Sasori's shoulder. Yes, he should definitely wake her up before anyone else sees her like this.

Pein knelt to gently shake the woman awake. There was a light groan followed by Konan taking a slow, dazed look around her. Seeing the bodies around her, she quickly went to sit up before raising a hand to her head.

"Gods, it feels like I had a rock for a pillow..." she groaned weakly.

Pein shifted his gaze to Sasori's stiff wooden form. "You're not that far off. Come." Once he gave the order, he stood and walked just enough to build some distance between the mass of bodies to have a private talk with Konan.

His partner stood as quickly as she could and followed. She too was unsettled by their moonlit surroundings. "Where are we? How did we get here?"

"I can't say I know where we are, but there is a village nearby. I was going to ask you to survey the area." As soon as Pein finished speaking, the woman complied.

With no effort, Konan made a few sheets of paper appear and fold into origami butterflies, before sending them to roam the area.

Satisfied, Pein continued. "As for how we got here, I used the jutsu I have been developing."

Konan's eyes widened at his words. "Tell me you're not serious! We're lucky everybody is still in one piece!" The kunoichi looked back at the unconscious Akatsuki, her brows now tightly knit together.

"I am serious. It was the only thing I could do in such short notice. We couldn't afford to have the mission end in failure."

Konan was clearly unhappy, but seemed to hold back as she thought everything over. "Is it safe to use the jutsu again to move to one of our bases?"

There was a hesitant pause before Pein answered.

"I don't know. Although everyone is safe, it seems I had no control over where we landed. It may have been due to my low chakra levels or a lack of concentration on my part. Either way, we would have to wait until I restore some more chakra if we decide to try it."

There was a heavy silence between the two, disturbed only by the soft sounds of nature around them. After a short while, Konan's butterflies returned, leaving the woman with more worries.

"There's a large village southeast of here but I'm not familiar with it. I can confirm that we're not in the land of fire or anywhere else I know so... we're lost."

The heavy silence once again took hold of them. Pein was berating himself at how he could have taken such a large risk and put everyone in danger. Things could have turned out worse, but even so, to have risked everyone's lives with such little thought. What kind of a leader was he?

Knowing her partner well enough to know when something was bothering him, Konan let out a sigh and made herself relax. For both of their sake.

"Pein, no one was hurt. We'll just find out where we are and tomorrow we'll head to one of our bases. It's a setback, but everyone is safe. Just make don't do something so careless again."

There was no reply until a few moments passed, Pein finally giving a nod.

"We'll wait for everyone to awaken then make our way there", The Akatsuki leader began, " For the time being, it may be best not to tell the others about this unless absolutely necessary. It was my failure that got us lost. Telling them will only make everyone question my ability to lead, and you know Madara already believes so. There's no need to give him any satisfaction."

Konan thought it over before giving a small nod.

After that, the two of them stood in silence watching the sky above them. It was strange, even something as large as the sky looked different. The stars were harder to see, and they couldn't find any of the constellations they knew of. Everything was just.. wrong.

After a few minutes they heard groans and shuffling from the bodies nearby. The first to awaken were Hidan and Tobi, both looking pretty rough. Even in this state, Pein was sure they would make enough of a racket to wake the others.

Hidan awoke groaning and grabbed his throbbing head as he sat up to see the mess in front of him. After a few seconds of looking around to try to make sense of what happened, his eyes went to Pein.

"Shit, this is some hangover... what the hell happened?"

His reply came from the other body around him that was awake. "Hangover? But.. Tobi is a good boy... Tobi would never do anything that would give him a hangover!"

The orange masked man began to sit up, kicking his feet free of Itachi's arms and waking the Uchiha with a kick to the head in the process. Upon trying to stand up, Tobi froze to put his hands over his mask to try to compose himself. "But Tobi's head does feel like it was split open like a coconut..."

Kisame was next, sitting up to join the small choir of groans. "I get to wake up to both of your beautiful voices at once. What did I do to deserve this grand treat? I must be blessed." His groggy voice did nothing to mask the heavy sarcasm his words carried.

The Jashinist priest shot a weak glare at the shark man. "You _should_ feel blessed an atheist like you even gets hear Jashin's most loyal follower." he grumbled more to himself than anything.

Tobi, on the other hand was wiggling in place while his childish high-pitched giggles escaped him. "Kisame-Senpai! You're making me blush... If you want, Tobi can make sure you always wake up to Tobi's voice! We can sleep in the same bed and it will be like a sleep over! "

Kisame grit his teeth at the offer and answered flatly, "I'll pass". He wisely chose to drop the subject as to not encourage the hyperactive man.

Sasori was the next to get up, standing quietly and almost immediately. His hair was slightly ruffled up, but overall he seemed unaffected. The puppet master took one quick look around, let out a tsk and rushed to Hiruko's side to assess any damage.

Itachi was fully awake by now, though he was having trouble getting up; His chakra levels seemed to be the lowest out of everyone by far. Despite this, the Uchiha seemed to keep an even and steady glare on a particular orange masked man-child that had just kicked him awake.

Zetsu was awake next, though he opted to submerge most of himself into the ground, grumbling to himself until his headache became more bearable.

The steady choir of bodies groaning and shuffling was broken by Hidan's loud snort and badly stifled laughter. Kisame looked the cause of the priest's outburst and quickly covered his mouth, trying to stop his own laugh. They had finally noticed Kakuzu and Deidara's intimate embrace.

"Aww, doesn't it just warm your heart?" Kisame asked while pretending to wipe away a tear.

"I didn't know Kakuzu had a fucking soft spot for blondie. Hey, did anyone bring a camera?" called out Hidan with his usual cocky grin.

"Wow! Deidara-senpai looks so cute sleeping in Kakuzu-senpai's big strong arms! Almost like a baby!" added Tobi.

"Leader, shouldn't we help him? **Can we eat him after? It might help our headache.** " White Zetsu was genuinely concerned while Black Zetsu eyed the bomber hungrily.

Pein wasn't too keen on being near the miser or one of his fits of rage once he woke up and saw the situation he was in. "All of you should be ready to interfere if things go badly. As long as Kakuzu doesn't kill him however, it will be fine."

The commotion that had started up finally seemed to be waking Kakuzu. The miser opened his eyes, squinting as he took a look around. The first thing he noticed was his partner's smug face, along with Kisame and Tobi watching him expectantly. Come to think of it, everyone but Sasori and Itachi were looking at him with varying degrees of interest.

"What the hell are all of you looking at?"

"Nothing... Just waiting on you old man." The priest's playful tone or coy grin that followed did nothing to convince the miser.

Although he was already growing tired of his partner, Kakuzu tried to ignore it and sit up when he finally noticed something pulling down his right sleeve, causing his partner some obvious amusement.

The miser could only let out a sigh preparing himself for this to be another one of Hidan's idiotic pranks.

His annoying excuse of a partner had a track record of pulling pranks on him while he slept. It wasn't often and although Hidan was an idiot, he seemed to know exactly when Kakuzu had forgotten about the last prank enough to try again. Even worse, the miser could _never_ figure out how the hell his partner got close enough to him to pull any of them off.

The first time it happened, Hidan used tent stakes to pin the older mans clothes and mask to the ground while he slept. One of the stakes was tripped so that when it was moved, it would spill cold lake water and live fish on the man. It worked and in the end, Kakuzu had to pay to have the holes in his clothes repaired or replace them entirely. He repaid Hidan by using the man's ceremonial pike to stab enough holes into him for each Ryō he had to spend.

Another time his partner sewed their brand new tent (that he bought at full price) shut from both sides. When the former waterfall-nin woke up and tried to open it his partner sent him tumbling down a muddy slope and into a lake, tent and all. He had only bought the tent two days earlier, yet he was forced to rip it into pieces while Hidan was doubled over with laughter on the shoreline.

Kakuzu never did find out how the idiot sewed the tent shut without the materials for it or knowing how to sew, or how he let himself sleep through the entire thing.

The prank that took the prize however, was when the priest had managed to take off the top of Kakuzu's mask while his headband remained untouched, then styled his hair in twin tails complete with a bright red ribbon. All while he slept, sitting against a tree. It was a short nap really; the immortal would have had no more than 15 minutes to do it, yet he did.

The older man had unknowingly walked around like that for an entire day, past travelers, through a small village, until they reached a bounty office. He only found out when the attendant dared to comment on it.

He could clearly remember Hidan's irritating voice when he found out: "But _Kuzu_ , I think the ribbon really pulls your look together _and_ it matches your eyes! Everyone in the village seemed to think so too! You should have _heard_ the things they said about you!"

That day Kakuzu gave Hidan a solid beating that lasted from late afternoon to sunrise, hoping it would finally drill some common sense or into the idiot. He'd take whatever he could get. Unfortunately for him, it didn't.

Weeks after that, Kakuzu would lie awake at night wondering how he could have allowed it to happen. Hidan couldn't pull off a covert mission if his life depended on it, nor could he do anything other than walk, talk, fight and pray; most of which he still did badly. Yet somehow he had managed to get close enough to Kakuzu, style his hair, remain completely unnoticed and stay quiet enough about his antics for an entire day.

That raised some alarming questions for the miser. What else could the Jashinist get away with? What else had he _already_ gotten away with?

Dreading whatever the Jashinist had in store this time, Kakuzu let out a tired exhale before turning his head to look at his arm. It was Deidara curled up against him, sleeping peacefully. How the bomber had even gotten involved was far beyond him, though he had a feeling it wasn't willingly.

It seemed that Hidan's goal this time was to humiliate him in front of the entire criminal organization. It was definitely working.

The miser looked up to see his partner smirking back smugly, waiting eagerly for his reaction. Honestly, Hidan had done worse. He wouldn't give that idiot the satisfaction of riling him up until leader was gone and he could take his sweet, sweet time ripping every bone out of the silver haired man with his bare hands.

Kakuzu nonchalantly stood up, forcefully pulling his sleeve free and completely ignoring the bomber as he slid off and landed roughly on the ground.

Once he noticed nothing was happening, he priests' smirk faltered in disappointed before coming back larger than before.

"Hooooooh, did we finally discover how to tame the angry beast inside you, _Ka-ku-zu_? Next time you're getting pissed, I'll be sure to snuggle up to you nice and-"

Before Hidan could finish teasing, Kakuzu's jumped up and extended an arm to grab Hidan by the head, completely ignoring the fact that he sent the Deidara flying off somewhere to wake up on impact. The miser continued extended his arm, slamming the Jashinist through a few trees and tree branches before finally slamming his head against a tree trunk, bashing it a few times for good measure.

"I expect everyone knows what will happen to them if this is ever mentioned", the miser warned as he retracted his arm, going on as if nothing unusual had just happened.

The bomber, who was now awake, was completely lost as to what was happening. "What the hell just happened? I woke up and hit a tree out of nowhere, hn! Wait, when the hell did I go to sleep?" he managed to groggily ask while walking back to the main group, each footstep holding a slight sway. Hidan was groaning off in the distance, Kisame and Tobi were failing to hide or subdue their laughter, while everyone else was looking at him pitifully or avoiding looking at him entirely.

"Who knows", muttered Kakuzu lowly, almost like a growl. It effectively made the Deidara feel the tension in the air and drop the matter.

With the last of them awake, Pein finally spoke. "Kakuzu, please try to treat your comrades more carefully." His request was met with an sharp angry exhale before being ignored. "Now that everyone is awake, we can begin."

"Leader, I'm not sure if Hidan's awake anymore" Kisame interjected between his chuckles, doing little to hide his sharp grin.

"He's conscious." the Akatsuki leader answered before continuing. "Now, during our escape from Suna, something strange happened and we awoke here. Although it looks similar to the land of fire, Konan has confirmed it is not. This is a new land we are unfamiliar with. There is a civilization nearby which we will go to and find out where we are and tomorrow morning we will head to the nearest base."

Everyone signaled approval or acknowledgment, while a bloody mess that was believed to be Hidan limped back to the group, shooting a glare at his partner.

"Kakuzu, do we have the funds to stay at an inn?" Pein questioned.

The miser let out an annoyed grunt before answering. "We have about 7000 Ryō. It's just pocket money, but we should be able to afford a room for the night."

Before anyone could get too excited, Kakuzu shot a glare at the rest of his comrades. "Just ONE room. These are all of our funds. We don't know how long we will have to survive on them."

The budding hopeful chatter turned into groans and protests.

"Ten people in one room? Are you mad?"

"I'm calling the bed! You guppies can have fun figuring out where to sleep. Haha!"

"Kakuzu, what the fuck?! We have to share the damn room?"

"Ugh! You're spitting blood on me, hn!"

"If you want to stay in your own rooms, you can pay for them out of your own pockets!"

"Tobi thinks its fine! This way Tobi gets to have a sleep over with all of his senpais!"

"Shut it Tobi!"

"Leader, what do we do with these two? **Can we eat them?** " asked Zetsu, his question serving to stop the heated discussion taking place. The dual colored man eyed one of the passed out Suna nin, his eyes gleaming with hunger.

Deidara approached the other Suna nin and poked him with his foot a few times. "Yeah, they're still out cold. Since we have to kill them anyway, can I make them into art?"

"Hey, I want to sacrifice them!"

"But Deidara, If you blow them up **we won't be able to eat.** "

"Choose between yourselves but make it quick", their leader dismissed. "Deidara, do you have enough chakra for us to travel on your clay birds?"

With little thought the blonde nodded to his leader. "I'm sure I can get us to the village. From there I'll just go as far as I can, yeah?"

One small explosion and a Zetsu meal later, The Akatsuki were on their way. The clay birds carrying the group glided over the thick treeline, almost immediately revealing the new village in the distance. The sight left them awestruck.

The group found they had been in a small private forest the entire time. Surrounding that forest was the huge village that sprawled out on all sides but one, where a large lake was. To call the village huge would be an understatement. Even with the aerial view the bomber's clay birds provided, no one could see or sense an end to the village. There were scattered clusters of bright skyscrapers in the distance, and an abundance of light everywhere below them.

As they flew over what seemed like a housing district, a few members commented on whatever unfamiliar things they noticed such as the strange architecture of the homes, or the overabundance of strangely designed automobiles.

Most of them had seen cars before but since they were impractical for ninja as well as expensive, it was rare for someone to own one. After all, a car couldn't save you from an ambush, nor could it travel through the forests, mountains or any other large distances without relying on hard-to-find fuel. Though this land was obviously prosperous and very distinctive, it did very little in helping anyone to learn more about where they were.

Another thing everyone had noticed was just how many people there were. As a precaution, they had been concealing their chakra the entire time while looking out for any potential threats, yet in the endless sea of people below them, no one sensed anything noteworthy.

Eventually Kisame became uneasy enough to comment on it.

"Has anyone else noticed how weak everyone here feels? We've been flying over this place for a while bow and everyone still feels like a civilian. It's not just me, right?"

"Maybe this place is just full of pussies", the Jashinist answered. "I haven't even sensed any weak shinobi."

"It looks pretty peaceful. Maybe they don't have many shinobi here, hmm", Deidara suggested.

Itachi remained unconvinced, carefully eyeing the buildings below. "It's hard to believe a place as large or peaceful as this could exist without any warriors, shinobi or otherwise."

"We should remain cautious. There is much we don't know about this land. For the time being we will continue to not to call any unwanted attention to ourselves." Pein said with a firm tone.

The conversation ended just as Deidara decided he should land. Although they would have to walk the rest of the way, they had at the very least gotten past the sea of houses to a more promising commercial area. They would probably have more luck finding an inn or hotel here.

Soon after landing Sasori found the first piece of information towards finding out where they were. It was a street sign hanging over the road, reading 'West Cooper Boulevard, City of Ashe Hill'.

"I've found out where we are", the puppet master said lazily while pointing out the sign to the others.

"City of **Ashe Hill?** " asked Zetsu aloud. "What land is it in? **How should I know?** "

"I'm certain it's not in the five great nations or the land of iron" Kakuzu stated.

"How can you be sure?" questioned Sasori.

"I've traveled more than you can imagine. At the very least I would have heard stories of a place like this" the miser replied simply.

"So then we must be pretty far from our usual stomping grounds" concluded Kisame, seemingly taking the news in stride.

"How did we even end up here? It's strange we'd get warped to some far away country we've never heard of while we're in the middle of a battle, yeah? It's like we were just dumped in the middle of nowhere" stated the bomber.

"The brat is right. Did anyone notice anything strange happening during our last moments in Suna?" the puppet master asked aloud to the entire group.

Most of the Akatsuki members thought it over while Pein and Konan looked to each other, recalling their earlier conversation. Konan began to wordlessly urge her partner to tell the others about the jutsu. Before Pein could react, someone spoke.

" **I felt something strange.** Really? **It felt like someone's chakra but it was so overwhelming I couldn't focus on it.** Strange, I didn't feel a thing!" Zetsu commented from his cozy spot on the ground.

"I felt it too" added Kakuzu. "While I was fighting one of the Suna ninja, I felt the air around us turn strange and heavy. I didn't have time to think much on it."

"Tobi felt it too! It felt like something was pushing _through_ Tobi!" the orange masked man shared excitedly, hoping to be of some help.

"I felt pressure too. It was definitely some kind of chakra but I couldn't recognize it. Hmm.. I guess that's not much help", added Kisame while scratching the back of his head.

In just seconds, Itachi had put together a theory. "Since all of us were transported, I'd say someone used a time-space jutsu on us. I can't think of any way someone would have the ability to pull it off on such a large scale, with no seals or preparation, while remaining unnoticed. It's simply not feasable."

"Who would bother to send us here though? It's kind of weird no one could recognize their chakra too, hn." Deidara questioned, his hand resting on his chin pensively.

Pein, who was now growing nervous, turned to Konan in hopes of receiving reassurance or any other small comfort. Instead he was met with her icy glare. It was clear she was expecting him to tell everyone the truth. He considered it, but quickly decided against it. There was no immediate danger. After all, no matter what happened he'd make sure everyone returned to the five nations safely.

He couldn't let everyone lose faith in him as their fearless and competent leader. Their leader who dared to call himself God; he could never admit to such a failure. Besides, once they found out where they were they could get back easily! Heck, he could even complete that damn jutsu in a day or so and all of this would be over with. All that he needed was some time.

Gritting his teeth, Pein turned back to his subordinates, keeping his stoic mask in place. He turned just in time to catch Hidan's conclusion.

"Okay, so what we can come up with is that some jack off we don't know, sent all of us to who-the-fuck-cares outside of the five nations, then just ditched us without killing anyone or wanting anything in return?"

How convenient. It seemed the heavens smiled upon the Akatsuki leader.

"It would seem that is exactly what happened", Pein cut in immediately. "It's certainly strange, however in our current state we're not ready to get to the bottom of this. For now, we should focus on finding a safe refuge and resting. Once we find an inn we'll look for some clear answers, then tomorrow morning we can talk this over with clearer minds. No matter what has happened we _will_ find our way back to the five great nations."

There was silence. Did he speak too fast? Was it suspicious? Were they onto him already? He had to think of a plan B. In the midst of Pein's racing thoughts, Itachi spoke up.

"I agree. It would be wise to avoid trouble as we are now. Tomorrow morning we can revisit all of these issues and find a solution."

"It's late anyway, we won't get much done with most of the city shut down, hmm" the bomber added.

A few more Akatsuki members voiced their passive approval but ultimately everyone was fine with the plan. Konan on the other hand, narrowed her eyes at her partner, shaking her head is disbelief.

With that settled, the Akatsuki members began to follow the street on foot. It should have been an easy trip compared to their usual travels, but with everyone's low chakra levels, Tobi's non-stop attempts at starting a conversation and Hidan's complaining, it quickly became unbearable. Before long some of them were looking forward to the cramped one-room inn stay, if anything for the silence once everyone slept.

After a couple of hours of walking they had passed a few roadside inns and hotels, all of them with no vacancies, leaving the group of shinobi to wander further. By this point everyone was tired, hungry and annoyed. It was clear that if they didn't find a place to rest soon they would literally be at each others throats.

"-and Tobi almost didn't even notice the ants! Tobi could have **eaten** them! Then, just when Tobi thought it was over, suddenly there were ants inside Tobi's mask! Tobi found some dango sauce on Tobi's mask and the ants had been crawling all over Tobi to get to it! Isn't that scary?" Tobi had just finished his eighteenth story, marking his eighteenth failure at getting the others to talk. He seemed to take a minute to see that no one else was going to join his talk.

Hearing another story starting up, Kisame chose to interrupt the masked man and check up on his partner. Unfortunately, the Uchiha seemed to be doing no better than when they woke up in the forest.

"Hey 'tachi, you feeling okay? It looks like you're gonna keel over any minute now."

"I'm fine." the Uchiha replied. He sounded normal enough, but it was hard for anyone that laid eyes on him to actually believe it.

Itachi's normally pale skin was graying. He was clearly tired and it looked like he had been mobbed by an angry crowd and left as a shell of the former shell of a man he already was. Despite this, the Uchiha kept his impassive, aloof demeanor.

Unfortunately his usually cool demeanor, combined with his sickly appearance only made the red eyed man look like he was ready and willing to embrace his death with wide open arms.

"Hm, you look like Orochimaru used his reanimation jutsu on you", commented Deidara smugly, enjoying seeing the Uchihas normally cold shell finally crack.

Itachi chose to ignore the bomber and kept walking.

"Alright kid. Just don't drop dead before I can use Samehada on you", his partner muttered before dropping the matter.

The further they trekked the street started changing, turning from average, deserted streets into a more lively area for with people still lingering by. The buildings were taller, sleeker and there was still some businesses open in the late hours of the night.

The area was filled with restaurants, offices, shops, bars, and the occasional civilians who would fearfully look at at the group in matching robes from a distance. If the group of ninjas hadn't been so tired and concerned with finding out where the hell they were, this might have been a fun place to let loose for a while.

"This place is fucking huge!" Hidan said to no one in particular. He was enjoying taking in the strange but all too familiar sights on the lit up road they walked down. "Man, I kinda wish we could actually check this place out for a while."

"Focus. We don't have time to spare." reprimanded Pein.

The Akatsuki had been wandering around for about three hours now. It seemed that knowing that they were staying at an inn only made everyone even more restless.

"Hey, that looks like a hotel, yeah?" Deidara motioning to a brightly lit glass building. It was tall enough to rival the skyscrapers in Ame, but the front of the building was rounded and looked very sleek.

Kakuzu took one look at the building and frowned. "We can't afford that. Let's keep moving."

Deidara looked at the miser, then the building, then back to the miser. "Eh? How do you know we can't afford it? We don't even know how much it is! We should at least ask, yeah?" Kakuzu withheld a reply and continued walking.

"Fine, what about that one?" This time the blonde was pointing to a square glass building that was far less extravagant but still looked very polished. The lights were dim and the glass seemed to alternate on each floor to make the building look like it had blue and black stripes. Despite everything, the building still set a good ambiance.

Kakuzu looked at the building before shooting a glare at the blonde. "We're **not** staying in this area. All of these places will bleed our funds dry in a night!"

Ready to drop the subject, the miser continued walking without sparing another look.

"You know, Tobi thinks it wouldn't hurt to ask. Tobi is tired and hungry and wants to sleep!" In a rare occurrence, the normally tireless orange-masked man was slouching over and exhausted. His liveliness had slowly drained from him the later it got into the night.

After there was no reply, the worn and exhausted Itachi let out a sigh and prompted himself to speak. "It is past midnight. Since we may not find a suitable place to stay any time soon, it's in our best interests to at least ask for their rates before continuing."

The complaints were wearing down Kakuzu's patience. "I told you we're not staying in this area. If you want to find a suitable place to spend the night then all of you should walk faster", the miser glared back at the group as if waiting for someone to challenge his words. Once he seemed satisfied he turned and continued on.

He only managed 5 steps before Kisame joined in. "You know, it really doesn't hurt to ask. What's a couple of minutes out of the whole night?"

" **Holy shit!** Will someone just fucking go and ask already? I swear to Jashin, you guys are worse than a bunch of chicks." Hidan's outburst happened serve as enough of a distraction for the miser to not snap.

Seeing everyone was near their limit, it also the pushed their Leader to speak.

"Very well. Hidan. Itachi. Go."

The Uchiha replied with a hn and began his badly disguised but still tired gait to the second building without waiting for the silver haired man.

"Wait, why the hell do I have to go? I'm not the one fucking whining about it. Send blondie instead!" Hidan crossed his arms keeping his feet firmly planted on the ground. At least until he was forced to dodge one of his partner's fists... followed by some of Sasori's poison senbons.

"Hurry the hell up so we can get going!" Kakuzu was obviously pissed enough without the added detour.

Sasori was visibly irritated as well. "We've wasted enough time and I. **don't.** **like.** to be kept waiting."

The Jashinist scowled at the two men before finally trudging off to catch up to the Uchiha. "Tch... assholes."

The inside of the hotel was dim, open and … kind of empty. Both of people and decor. Despite the few simple (minimalist) decorations, it was easy to see why Kakuzu would consider it out of their budget. It was because it _was_.

The floor was made of large fine-looking marble tiles, the ceiling had a sea of hanging glass and lights, setting a dreamy mood. The wall behind the front desk was covered in small uniformly colored river rocks with a thin but steady stream of water pouring down them. The remaining things in the room looked expensive and one-of-a-kind. Up until this point, neither men had thought that such an empty sterile-feeling room could feel so high class as well.

Itachi and Hidan stood in the entrance of the empty hotel lobby for a few moments looking at each other, as if questioning if they should even bother asking.

The Jashinist priest let out an exasperated sigh before speaking. "Okay, the old fuck was _probably_ right. This isn't a shithole. There's no way we're gonna stay here."

Itachi closed his eyes to think over his words carefully. "I don't want to keep walking."

"Shit, you think I do? I'm tired, my feet fucking hurt and I'm gonna fucking snap if I have to hear another one of Tobi's shitty stories! But trust me, there's no fucking way Kakuzu's gonna to fork over the cash for this."

The Uchiha seemed to think things over for a bit longer. "Let's just ask their rates. If it's too much, then stay quiet and let me handle it."

"Fine. If we can't afford it, I don't know what fucking difference it'll make though."

The two men finally headed to the front desk. It looked like the only person working that night was a lanky young man who was barely in his twenties and was currently engrossed by whatever he was doing on the computer. He had short mousy brown hair, bright honey eyes and a warm welcoming smile. It was almost sickening how pure and naive he looked.

As the two Akatsuki approached, the young man took notice and immediately stiffened. Though he tried not to stare, the more he looked at the two robed men approaching him, he was convinced of how outright dangerous they looked. It was just the brunette's luck he was the only one working the lobby that night. He slowly moved his foot near the silent trigger alarm, just to be safe he told himself, and hoped the men weren't there to cause trouble.

It was then he got another look at them, still careful not to stare. Both men had matching robes and looked beyond annoyed already. The look in their eyes was only made worse by both of their strangely colored eyes. They just _had_ to be contact lens.

The man on the right had a large red scythe on his back and... wait, is that blood on his face?! His hair has it too, that's definitely blood... Oh boy... This guy looked like he'd snap the brunette young man in half if he even breathed the wrong way to him.

The raven haired man was slightly less intimidating. Only slightly. Looking at him seemed to lower the rooms temperature and freeze you in place. On top of looking annoyed, the guy looked really sick. And _his eyes_ , looking at them felt like you were completely exposed and were being picked apart at the core.

Trying to push his fear aside, the young man opted to handle this interaction quickly and professionally. The less he had to be around them, the better.

As they reached the front desk, the fidgeting mess behind the front desk finally greeted them. "H-Hi there, welcome to The Theodore! I'm Steven, do you two have a reservation?"

Both ninjas held back a shudder as they noticed an uncanny similarity between the young man's exaggerated upbeat attitude and Tobi, of all people in the world.

Hidan was the one to drop the question. There was no greeting, no small talk, no padding. His tone was curt but not particularly aggressive though there was something unsettling about the way the silver haired man lurched over, focusing his dark amethyst eyes at Steven. It was almost as if he was waiting for the young man to do something wrong.

"The rate? F-For one night?" There was an audible gulp. "Le-let me find out for you." Steven quickly turned to his computer. There was a heavy silence before he spoke again. "Would you like for me to start making a reservation as wel-"

" _The rate._ " Itachi's voice alone could almost cut the brunette in half. Their eyes met before Steven meekly averted his eyes to escape the Uchihas bone-chilling glare.

"Um.. Of-.. of course..."

Watching the exchange, Hidan was unable to hold back a scoff. Just how big of a pussy was this guy? He was already shaking like a leaf the second he saw them. What did this kid even have to be so worried about? In the priest's mind they weren't being particularly intimidating. No, they were being tame. A little curt but it could easily count as civil. It wasn't like they cornering the guy and staring him down while flaunting their giant bloody weapons around him... Oh right, he forgot he was still covered in blood. Still, the guy could try to show a bit of backbone.

"It's.. 376 dollars for a room with one king bed, and 425 dollars for a room with two queen beds." The fearful man looked to both men, hopeful that they'd be satisfied.

The two ninja however, were at a loss. Four hundred and twenty-five dollars? What the hell was a dollar? 425 Ryō was certainly affordable, but it was far too little for a place like this. Well, there was no point in worrying about it now.

"Do you accept Ryō?" Itachi's question was met with a confused look and some hesitation. Something told the worker these guests wouldn't take rejection gracefully. Steven made sure his foot was hovering over the silent trigger alarm and forced himself to speak.

"I'm.. I'm sorry I've never heard of Ryō but we don't accept any foreign currency. You'd have to exchange the funds for dollars before I can accept them..."

There was silence. Was he still alive? Steven quickly looked at each of the men as if expecting a violent outburst, but there was none. In fact, they seemed to have taken the news surprisingly well.

The silver haired man crossed his arms and glared at his companion. "Well, this is gonna go fucking nowhere."

"I told you I'll handle it." Itachi didn't spare a glance, instead keeping his eyes on the young man in front of him. "Do you have 5 rooms with two beds available on the same floor?"

Steven looked at the raven haired man and furrowed his brows in confusion. Before he could reply his train of thought was interrupted by the man's spinning red eyes. As he watched them, he suddenly felt completely at ease. What had he been worried about again? Oh, right, the rooms. He needed 5 rooms on one floor. Steven turned to the computer once again and within minutes found what he needed.

The young man turned back to the guests before speaking in a relaxed tone. "I have five rooms available on the 12th floor."

"We'll take them." Itachi was pleased with this.

Finally, no more wandering around the streets. No more listening to the other Akatsuki members argue over every little thing someone said or didn't say. No more of Tobi's innate stories. Itachi couldn't wait to finally get some rest and even a shower. Hidan on the other hand, had raised a brow at the exchange but said nothing.

After a few more seconds, Steven spoke again in his ever mellow voice. "It will be $2125 for your stay. What name should I put the rooms under?"

Itachi frowned at this. "No, you don't need our names. You can just hand us the keys."

Steven hesitated for a few seconds. "Hmm...I could get in a lot of trouble for that, you know... I could even lose my job."

Seeing this, Itachi spared a bit more of his scarce chakra to strengthen his hold over the man. The day had been tiring enough. There was no way the Uchiha was going to spend the rest of his night drifting around a strange place, putting up with the rest of the organization. They had only been together for one night and it was already torture.

"We're only spending the night. Come morning no one will even know about our little stay. You _can_ do this for me, can't you?" Itachi's voice was smooth, his words sounding enticing, as if they were offering all of the pleasures in the world. You'd feel like a fool for not listening to him.

The hesitation melted away from Steven before he gave in, suddenly eager to please the raven haired man before him. "No, no! Of course! It's no problem! Let me program the key cards."

A smile threatened to show on the Uchihas mouth, but it was quickly suppressed. Instead, the sharingan wielder turned to his companion. "Go get the others."

Hidan was already wide-eyed, but on hearing those words his mouth dropped open. "Are you really using your fucking eyes to get us a free night at a hotel? That's fucking stealing! I don't want any part of this!"

The Uchiha didn't know how to respond to this. Was the Jashinist joking? He had to be. "Hidan, It's late and I'm tired. I'm not in the mood for jokes."

"I'm not fucking joking! I get you're tired but stealing is a fuckin' sin! Jashin doesn't think highly of thieves!"

Itachi pursed his lips. Out of everything he had seen of the zealot and his religion, was the silver haired man _really_ drawing the line at stealing?

"You've stolen Kakuzu's money before."

"I _**BORROWED**_ money from him." Hidan near shouted. "And I didn't fucking hypnotize him into giving it to me!"

"Keep your voice down" Itachi warned. "That I recall, you dug through his belongings and helped yourself to his money, then spent it all before he could notice. Have you even payed him back?"

"Yes!" The Jashinist stated before faltering. "Some of it. Look, my scythe needed repairs and the fucker didn't want to spare anything. Besides, I'm still working on paying him back- but don't change the subject! That has nothing to do with this."

"But it does. You've 'borrowed' money like that multiple times now. How is this different?"

"Those were important! I **had** to repair my scythe to do Jashin's will, and I **had** to get new clothes because mine got bloodstained and ripped up and that ass fuck wouldn't give me a single damn ryo to buy more! Plus I always repent for it and like I said, I'm gonna pay the motherfucker back."

"Then go along with this and perform one of your repentance ceremonies later."

The priest let out a scoff, "Do you think repentance is a fucking walk in the park? I have to offer a sacrifice then fucking stab myself through the heart and bleed out for _hours_ until Jashin is satisfied. It fucking hurts! If I'm doing that shit it damn well better be worth it."

"Hidan, just listen." Itachi was trying to ignore the headache building up from dealing with the Jashinist. "Outside everyone is tired and their patience is already spread thin. If we continue wandering the streets we won't find other arrangements and likely won't make it through the night without casualties. We're also in no condition to fight. Despite your personal feelings this is for the best."

As much as the priest hated it, the Uchiha made a good point. Hidan glared at his companion before turning away to sulk angrily, much like a child throwing a fit. Itachi was quickly starting to understand Kakuzu's lack of patience for the man.

"If it bothers you so much, you're welcome to pay him back another time" Itachi added.

After taking a few more moments to sulk and glare at him, Hidan finally conceded. Itachi internally rejoiced that he was finally done dealing with the impossibly difficult man.

"Alright. Fine. I'll go and just tell everyone we're staying here because you're fucking brainwashing this guy into it." Hidan stated before starting to head towards the street where the rest of their group was.

Itachi's eyes narrowed in response. "You're not going to tell the other about this."

"Oh, so you want me to fucking _lie_ too? You hedonists really don't fuck around when it comes to sinning. I thought you were some fucking goody two shoes bitch but honestly you're even worse Kakuzu!"

Itachi didn't react for a few seconds. For once in his life, He was was absolutely dumbfounded.

He had never spent much time with the Jashinist and quite frankly assumed the worst of him in almost every way. Never in his life did he imagine the vulgar, bloodthirsty S-Rank criminal in front of him, who regularly sacrificed people to his cult-god, all the while laughing and moaning through most of the 'ceremony', and ranted about how slaughter was the basis of his religion would be so against lying and stealing.

It was beyond hypocritical as well since Itachi had firsthand seen how Hidan could get when he wanted something. He'd suddenly become Mr. Charismatic and say all of the right things, most of which were outright lies. Itachi simply couldn't wrap his head around it.

Not only that, but the priest seemed to sincerely believe that Itachi was morally worse than Kakuzu; not that Itachi particularly cared about his moral standing, nor did he really care about his companion's beliefs or judgments, but it was impossible not to feel offended by that! Worse than _Kakuzu_. Kakuzu was a monster in every sense of the word. For Itachi to be on the same level as him, much less below him, was outrageous!

"In what way am I worse than Kakuzu?" Itachi questioned, unable to hold back his curiosity. As troublesome as the night was turning out, the idea that anyone could think of him as worse than the old miser became one of his biggest concerns.

"Kakuzu does some fucked up things, some **really** fucked up things, but he only gets his own hands dirty. The only times I get involved in that shit is when I _have_ to for a mission and even then he lets me repent right after. You just fucking come in out of nowhere and start dragging me into whatever the hell you're doing without at least warning and don't even give a fuck what kind of shit it's gonna get me in!"

Well, at least there was some logic there. Twisted logic, but logic nonetheless.

Before their talk could continue, Itachi's attention was pulled away by the key-cards being held out to him. He decided it was too late to think about this. There would be another day for him to try to unravel the mystery that was named Hidan. A day when he was full on chakra and had a full night's rest.

"Just get the others. If you tell anyone about this you can expect for them to make it a common occurrence."

The previous feelings of animosity were just about gone from the Akatsuki. The group stepped out of the elevator and looked at the well lit and extra wide hallways, gripping their key cards tight in hand. Not only were they unexpectedly staying at a nice hotel, but they wouldn't have to share a single room between them; They even had their own beds!

"I have to admit, this place is nice" Konan commented with a hint of delight. Since Zetsu had chosen to stay outside, Pein had allowed Konan to take a room for herself while he bunked with Tobi. This had Konan thrilled to have a calm night to herself.

No missions. No babysitting idiotic grown men and man children. No stiff cots or prison-style bunks. No hearing the other member's shouts through the walls until the early morning hours (hopefully). It would just be her and a wide comfy bed, all to herself.

Deidara on the other hand wasn't so pleased. Despite being exhausted, ever since setting foot in the building the bomber inspected everything with a critical eye, scrunching his nose in dislike often.

"Hn. It's kind of try-hard if you ask me", the bomber muttered. "Uchiha, you're sure we can stay here, yeah?"

Itachi gave a nod. "I managed to work something out with the management. Our stay is taken care of."

"How much is this costing us? I made it clear we were only getting one room" Kakuzu reminded. The group treasurer's mood had improved upon hearing of their free stay, but he remained wary of having to cover any hidden costs.

Kisame and Itachi stopped as they reached the door for room 1209. The latter inspecting his key card before trying to open the door. "It is of no cost to you. As it turns out the innkeeper was quite generous in helping us find accommodations."

Something clicked in Kisame's mind and he broke into laughter. "Ohhhh, you got the 'ol Uchiha discount? I gotta say, you really have a way with people, kid!"

The other members of the Akatsuki looked at the pair curiously, failing to understand their inside joke. From behind Kakuzu, Hidan's scowl grew. He had to wonder just how often they pulled this stunt.

Without giving an answer, Itachi opened the door to his room and stepped inside. He was followed by his still grinning partner who spared a wave and a good night before closing the door, slamming it in Tobi's face. It seemed the orange-masked man still remembered their talk of a sleep over.

Before the remaining Akatsuki members went to their respective rooms for the night, Pein gave the order that they were to head to his room first thing in the morning for a meeting.

At last the night was winding down. Pein and Tobi held a short meeting, while the remaining Akatsuki members finally let themselves rest. If today was any indication, they'd need to be prepared for whatever was to come while they remained in this strange new place.

 **A/N:** Yooooo. This is legit my first ever fan fiction/attempt writing and I was NOT expecting to write anything this long. I was aiming for about 3k words per chapter but I ended up at almost 9k.. Heh, there goes that...

This and the next chapter will probably be a little... slow-paced? Boring even? The reason why is because I'm setting things up so that after the first two serious and kinda boring chapters, it's nothing but the main meat of the story. I'm making sure to cover most things that will be relevant when (if) I end this fic. Especially if they make it back home.

Also a fun fact: Ashe Lake is a generic anywhere city similar to Springfield in the Simpsons. As the story goes on, Ashe Lake will have basically everything in or near it, even if it isn't realistic. For example, there's a satellite-like city, suburban areas, mixed urban areas, nightlife area, rural areas, mountains, beaches and such, all "close by".

Basically, anything and everything will be within reach as needed because I'm lazy, and after planning out how they got here and back, I just wanted to have fun with the rest of the chapters and not worry about that stuff in the rest of the story. Honestly I only convinced myself to actually work on this fic because of all of the humor ideas I had.

Feel free to leave a review or request something you want to happen in future chapters! I already have about 2 chapters written and a couple of outlines for future chapters, but I can def try to add your suggestions. I'd really appreciate it! Thanks so much for reading! :)


	2. Stranded

The following day was overcast and dull. There were daft breezes and gray clouds as far as the eye could see. Waking up to this kind of day made it very tempting for many of the Akatsuki members to indulge themselves in the comfort of their warm, spacious beds and oh-so-plush comforters after a long and tiring night.

To Pein's annoyance, most of the Akatsuki _did_ choose to indulge themselves.

It was currently 10:20 in the morning. Pein had been awake for over four hours now, waiting for the other members so they could begin their meeting. He had spent the entire morning, along with some of the other early risers of the group, finding out what they could about the city they found themselves in. Before he could brief everyone on what they'd found, they had to wait for the last two members to finish their showers.

It felt like he'd been waiting for a lifetime by now..

oooooo

 _The first time Pein tried to gather everyone, it was 6:45 in the morning. After using his telepathy to alert everyone, he managed to get Sasori and Kakuzu to join him. The rest of his subordinates ignored him and went back to sleep, mumbled nonsense, or simply asked (or in Konan's case, blackmailed) him for a bit more time to rest._

 _Pein was forced to be understanding about it._

 _Perhaps it was still too early. His subordinates had worked hard during the attack on Suna. He had sensed and seen the poor condition they were left in and some were still in. And these beds_ were _incredibly comfortable._

 _The added fact that some of their troubles may have been at least_ _ **partially**_ _his fault guilted him into allowing everyone to laze around a little longer. Just an hour or so wouldn't hurt._

 _Upon hearing they had time to spare, Tobi, who shared a room with Pein that night, rushed to turn on the television. They found it was conveniently set to a news channel, making it an easy way to conduct research. In the next few minutes, the four Akatsuki members that were present learned enough to raise some concerns._

 _Eager to begin the meeting, Pein tried to gather everyone a second time at 8 in the morning. He got the same reply from every single person: "Let me shower first."_

 _Fair enough. If they got that out of the way, they could jump straight into action once their meeting was done. About twenty minutes later, he succeeded in having Itachi and Konan join him, both looking well rested and as energized as either could._

 _A few minutes passed without anyone else arriving before the group became annoyed at how long the others were taking._

 _Itachi offhandedly informed everyone of the complimentary breakfast offered in the lobby until the end of the hour. At the mention of food the group quickly noticed how ravenous they were. Everyone, with the exception of Sasori who stayed behind to work on Hiruko and listen to the television, went to take advantage of the free meal._

 _At around 9:30 the breakfast group was on their way back. Things had gone badly._

 _The food was acceptable and they had succeeded in learning more about this country, but everything they learned left them in an even worse position._

 _While the five Akatsuki worked on their meal, they met a couple that was also staying at the hotel. The two civilians tried to make small talk with their group, asking if they were tourists and commenting curiously on their matching robes and headbands._

 _After some awkward conversation and questioning they learned no one here was familiar with the any of the five great nations. It was basically made clear that no one knew who the Akatsuki were. No one knew what their headbands were or what they meant. No one even knew what shinobi were!_

 _After more questioning, they learned that the closest thing to shinobi in this world were far different from what they were familiar with, training mostly in taijutsu. Bloodline limits were unheard of; even chakra was seen as a flimsy and new-age spiritual belief. The couple then immediately dismissed something like jutsu as impossible._

 _By that point the Akatsuki were almost convinced that either the couple they spoke to was an anomaly in the world, the couple was lying, or this entire world and situation the organization was in was some horrible joke fate was playing on them._

 _Things went downhill after that with Kakuzu insisting the two were toying with them. The violent outburst called some attention and forced the couple into apologizing before leaving immediately._

 _The group of five had grown uneasy at how things were progressing and decided to question anyone else in sight as well as the new innkeeper. They were able to gather some information, but any answers they got regarding shinobi remained consistent._

 _Things looked grim; they hadn't even tackled how to get back to the five great nations. How could they when they were still trying to figure out where they were, and having such a hard time with it?._

 _Before returning to their room Konan asked the woman at the front desk for a map, as well as performing some more casual questioning. The woman seemed a little confused that someone would ask for a regular old map instead of directions, having even offered to direct them to their destination. After being unable to find any of Konan's destinations, she obliged and printed out a regional and world map for the kunoichi._

 _When the five Akatsuki laid eyes on the maps, it stunned them into silence._

 _What they saw wasn't any better; In fact, it was worse than what anyone had even considered. It was enough that Pein wanted to hold the meeting immediately._

 _Walking through the 12th floor's hallway on route back to their leader's room, everyone could hear a few showers running from their block of rooms. Pein was satisfied that in just a few minutes the meeting would be underway. After a bit of waiting a few more of the missing shinobi trickled into his room; just two more people missing, then they could start._

oooooo

 _It was 10:15 when his patience was finally spread thin._

 _Deidara and Hidan were taking_ _ **forever**_ _. Pein was tired of being patient; this meeting was absolutely important. Surely those two were clean enough by now, so why were both showers still running?._

 _Pein stood idly near a desk in the furthest corner of the room. He glared at the digital clock that rested on the bedside table between both beds, convinced that it was mocking him. The colon symbol between the numbers blinked every second, reminding him of every second that was was going by, completely wasted. With each second he felt his saint-like patience slip away. He couldn't even try to focus on thinking about the damn jutsu he was working on anymore._

 _When the clock flicked to 10:16, he finally ordered the Sasori and Kakuzu to find out why their partners were taking so long._

 _Both men had left to contact their partners and within minutes had returned with news._

 _Apparently Hidan had performed his very long and very bloody morning prayers and had only 'recently' started his shower. By the sound of it he still had plenty of blood to wash off and since the man was never one to rush, that meant there was still a good wait associated with him._

 _Deidara on the other hand, had gone to shower earlier and was still showering... almost two hours later. Apparently the blonde had a very specific method to his self grooming which was thrown off by the hotels toiletries which 'ruined' his hair._

 _The bomber was now showering a second time, along with doing everything else he usually did when he managed to hole himself up in a bathroom._

 _As if Pein wasn't furious enough, some of the Akatsuki crowding his room had been sourly commenting on how their morning had been wasted._

' _We could have enjoyed a few more hours of rest.'_

' _I was going to do something or other. Instead we've just been standing here for an hour twiddling our thumbs. I could have been done by now!'_

' _We got these rooms for free. Not fully taking advantage of them is a waste of money.'_

 _It was grating on what remained of Pein's saint-like patience._

 _Sasori then went on about how he hated being made to wait, but refused to act to actually make his partner arrive faster._

 _Zetsu, who repeatedly popped in to see if the meeting was finally starting, had decided to wait in the room and joined in by listing everything that made the room uncomfortable for a plant hybrid like himself. He was particularly offended by the air conditioning system that made the room's moisture levels feel 'dehydrating' and 'unnatural'._

 _At 10:21, Pein finally snapped._

 _Using his telepathy, he gave the two missing members the order to be in his room in 3 minutes or someone would go retrieve them, dressed or not, and he would give them enough punishment to almost end their lives as shinobi, among other things._

oooooo

Back to the present, it was now 10:24, scratch that, 10:25. The two missing idiots had _**finally**_ appeared.

Hidan had to be dragged in by Kakuzu. He still drenched in water and boasting a partially healed hole over his heart. Thankfully he had enough time to wrap a towel around his waist. He greeted everyone with a long string of curses and glares.

Deidara arrived at the same time and at least had the decency to _pretend_ to feel bad about it and apologized. He gave the excuse that he was late because his eyeliner was running out and something else that Pein honestly didn't care to listen to anymore.

After almost four and a half hours, the meeting began.

oooooo

The room was silent. Pein had just shared everything he knew and what they'd learned this morning. Aside from using a certain jutsu at a certain time, of course.

Konan stood next to him holding up both maps that they had acquired earlier, allowing everyone before her to see them clearly. Everything on either map was completely foreign to the room full of shinobi. The country names, the shapes of the land, the sizes of the oceans. Absolutely none of it was the least bit familiar.

The rest of the organization was split into either those who already knew what was going on and watched solemnly, or those who were only now hearing about it and were in shocked.

"Based on everything we have learned the most plausible theory we can build is that after being caught in the... unidentified jutsu last night, we were transported not to a different country but to a different _world_. A world without shinobi, without jutsu and seemingly, with nothing but civilians. This means that for the time being we have no confirmed way to return... Home." The last word rolled out of the Pein's tongue heavily.

Being rogues, the 10 Akatsuki members had all long since given up a place to call home. They drifted around, occasionally staying at a base for a few weeks at most. To think that they would even lose what little semblance to a home they had was disheartening.

Deidara was the first to break the heavy silence with a question. "How do we know we're not under a strong genjutsu or something like that, hn? Maybe we got caught and Suna's keeping us locked up somewhere while they figure out what to do with us."

Almost immediately Itachi shot down that theory.

"Impossible. Since our arrival I have failed to sense anything that would suggest there is any genjutsu involved. As an added precaution I also attempted to dispel any illusion we may be under, with each attempt yielding no result."

"Tobi thinks we may be in the afterlife!"

Tobi's suggestion was shot down just as fast.

"There's no fucking way we're dead, lollipop! First off, I **can't** die. Second, if I **did** die there's no fucking way I'd go to the same place as the rest of you! Lord Jashin would have me join him!" Hidan finished smugly.

"We can all agree no one would be going to the same place as _you_ in the afterlife" Sasori muttered under his breath before wholly joining the conversation. "The likelihood that all of us are dead _or_ that we remained together after is near impossible."

"It's strange something like this happened, especially with no warning…" started Zetsu. " **Maybe this country is closed off from the rest of the world. The people you questioned could have been lied to and answered only as far as they know.** Hmm.. The maps they provided could be fabricated as well. **How can we trust anything the people here have said?** "

"Aside from what Leader has just covered, we also watched the news. Once again the five nations were not mentioned and the events that _were_ covered were global, which suggests there is no censorship of that kind" Kakuzu shared.

"Most of the events were also outstanding enough that even the five nations would be talking about it. There's also the matter that almost everything here from the architecture, to the people, to the technology is vastly different from what we know or what should even be possible, especially on a mass scale."

"I don't want to say that Leader's theory is a fact yet, but it quickly becoming more likely." Kakuzu finished, angry that even someone as pragmatic as himself was considering such a far-fetched theory.

"As Leader mentioned, people in this world don't even know shinobi exist. Whenever we've travel to civilian areas, people at least know of our existence or one of the countries associated with us. For them to be this ill-informed is truly otherworldly" Itachi added.

The room regained its silence after that.

Being sent to another world where you and almost everything you've known has never existed is something no one expects experience. Having it actually happen and having to come to terms with it felt near impossible.

Seeing that no one else had anything to contribute, Pein spoke once again.

"We are not without hope. I'm very close to completing a Jutsu that could to allow us to return to our world. Until it's completed we'd only have to survive here."

"How long will it take?" Kisame asked, his interest peaked.

"I believe two days is plenty of time." Their leader's reply gave the rest of the room some relief.

"So we just have to last here for a couple of days and we'll get to go home, yeah?" Deidara's eager question was met with a single nod.

"If all goes well that should be the case."

On seeing his subordinates calmer and Deidara's excited face, Pein noted that he was feeling good: The meeting was going well. He had told everyone most of the truth. They had gathered enough information to give them direction. They had a way back. There was no blame being thrown around and his good-leader image had not been ruined.

Sure, Konan would throw small glares in his direction whenever anyone mentioned the 'unidentified' jutsu or being in another world, but it was nothing he couldn't handle until this ordeal was over. Once that blasted jutsu was completed, they could get back to capturing the tailed beasts and a sense of normalcy would return.

"So what if it doesn't work? The jutsu I mean... What if we can't go back?" Kisame asked tentatively.

That was the same question in the back of everyone's minds, but they didn't dare voice it, and Pein was immediately brought down by this. He tried to not think about the possibility of his jutsu failing. Although it had brought them here in the first place, there was a chance that it had been a fluke, or that something else would go wrong.

The Akatsuki leader quickly forced those thoughts aside. What everyone needed right now was someone strong and reliable to look to, someone who could handle this issue confidently and remain level headed. Even if this entire mess was his fault, he was more than willing to do everything in his power to make things right.

"I have shared all of the knowledge we have. From here on, you are each encouraged to think of whatever solutions you can. Should the jutsu fail, we will attempt whatever else has a reasonable chance to succeed. If after these attempts we are still unable to return... then we will discuss this again when the time comes."

With this everyone was appeased. Though the issue was still there, everyone seemed hopeful enough that soon they'd be back on familiar lands.

Before Pein could continue, the entire room's attention was pulled by a loud stomach growl.

Deidara let out an embarrassed chuckle before apologizing. "I.. I haven't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday, yeah?"

"Actually, I'm fucking starving too", agreed the Jashinist. "It's fucking cold too. Can I finish my fucking shower and get dressed yet?"

"If you two had gotten up when you were supposed to you would have had enough time to eat." Kakuzu glared at the two young men. "You would have also had enough time to shower if your blasted prayers didn't drag on so much " Kakuzu finished, directing the second part at Hidan. His harsh tone was met with an eye roll or a deadpan from both men before it was ignored.

"To be honest, I was kinda hoping Itachi would bring me something back too.." Kisame shared while rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. He turned to his partner hopefully. "You _didn't_ bring anything back, did you?"

Itachi didn't bother to spare a glance, giving a dismissive 'hn' as an answer.

Kisame sulked and let out a sigh at at the reply.

"This brings me to the second topic" interrupted Pein.

"Since we will be staying here for a few days we will need a to find a way to get our basic necessities such as food and a temporary base. I will assign some of you to these tasks. The rest of you will be spending your time learning everything you can about this world. The technology here has advanced farther than our world's. Surely we can find something that will help further the Akatsuki's goals."

"Why do we need a new base?" asked Sasori. "We could just stay here for the next couple of days, couldn't we?"

"I don't want to stay here!" Zetsu cried almost immediately. "My shell's lips are drying out already! **These are terrible working conditions.** "

"I pulled enough strings to make this stay happen, with one of the terms being that it would only be for one night. It would be wise to leave before we call attention to ourselves." shared Itachi. "Besides, if our stay lasts longer than a few days, we'll need to find to find a new base anyway."

Kakuzu was unaffected by the news but managed to turn it into a light scolding. "We already managed to get one stay for free. One shouldn't go around expecting handouts."

"Looks like we're out of luck. What can you do?" Hidan gave a shrug, faking dissapointment at the news. He was glad to know Itachi had some limits instead of abusing his sharingan to get everything he wanted.

Konan then stepped forward to bring the conversation back on track. "Since everyone will be interacting with the people of this world, it would be best if we refrain from any kind of violence or jutsu that will make us stand out, at least until further notice."

There were a few groans at this, but Konan remained firm. "Although everyone here appears to be a civilian, we don't know just how far their weapons and technology have advanced. If we engaged in battle we'd have no clue what we're up against. Until we learn more everyone should make sure to blend in and **stay out of trouble.** "

Konan made sure to add extra emphasis on the last part, knowing how the bunch in front of her were prone to getting themselves into messes. Actually, they caused the messes to begin with.

"Before we conclude our meeting, does anyone have any other matters they would like to discuss?" Pein asked. After receiving no reply, the meeting was brought to an end by dividing the groups and their assignments.

"Kisame, Itachi, Tobi and Zetsu. You will research what you can about this world and collect samples if needed. Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu and Hidan. You will gather anything we will need for our stay here, as well as finding our new base of operations. Once you've completed those tasks you will join in on the researching this world. We'll meet outside of this building at sundown and head to the new base then. You are dismissed."

At their dismissal, Itachi's group left immediately. The other team was held back by Kakuzu.

"I need to get my belongings and this idiot needs to get dressed before we can head out. You two should return to your room and take the toiletries as well. We can get some use out of them."

Deidara gave a slight scowl. "Do we have to take them? The shampoo really messed up my hair, hm. I'm telling you, it sucks."

"It's free" the miser replied. "Even if you hate it someone else can get use out of it. Then we'd be saving money."

The bomber's scowl grew before he agreed with his reasoning. The four men then made their way out of the room.

"Make sure you don't leave anything behind. Once we leave, we won't be coming back", Kakuzu warned. With that the survival group was gone, leaving Konan and Pein to themselves.

Konan let out a small exhale before turning to her partner. Pein did nothing, though he knew that all of Konan's small glares were leading up to a talk. He was prepared for it already.

"Pein, I'm concerned about how everything is turning out. Perhaps you should have just told them about the-". Before Konan could finish, she was interrupted by shouting outside of their room.

" **What the hell do you mean you forgot your key? You just locked us out of the room, you idiot!** "

"It's not like you have your key either, asshole! Besides when the hell was I supposed to grab it? You fucking dragged me out while I was showering!"

"Hey keep it down, yeah? There's some civilians near the elevator and we're not supposed to call any attention to ourselves!"

"I swear Hidan, one of these days I'm going to find a way to kill you and I won't make it quick."

"Yeah, yeah, like I haven't heard that before... Anyway how the hell are we gonna get our shit now? I'm gonna catch a fucking cold like this."

After a few seconds of silence there was a ground shaking thud, one of Sasori's loud sighs, a surprised 'eh? wait!'' from Deidara, and the hollow sound of wood being broken into many pieces.

"Oi! What the hell do you think you're doing? You broke down part of the fucking wal-"

"We're twelve floors above ground. If all of you don't quiet down and get ready to leave, I _**will**_ throw you out of this window into traffic, and that will only be the beginning of a very long and painful stay in this world for you."

Things quieted down after that, allowing a now peeved Konan and Pein to start their conversation.

"I swear, they're worse than children..." The woman muttered while raising a hand to her temples. "As I was saying, you should have just told everyone what really happened. Everyone would be able to think of a better solution if they knew the truth, or even help you complete your jutsu." Konan's tone was concerned, rather than accusatory. It was clear the severity of this situation was weighing down on her more than she'd let on.

"It was my actions that brought us here, Konan. I already have a solution in the making. There's no need to worry the others or allow them to doubt my capability as leader. No matter what happens I'll fix this" Pein answered, hoping to give his partner some peace of mind, though it could easily come off as defensive and dismissive.

Konan's eyes narrowed and her pursed slightly trying to not let any emotion run loose. "This isn't just about keeping your pride anymore, Pein. Everyone in the organization could lose everything they've ever known and worked for. And everything _we've_ worked for, with Yahiko! You're putting all of that at risk just to save face!"

"Konan, we already know how to return." Pein began sharply, now moving to stand directly in front of her. "In the event the jutsu should fail I won't give up until I find another way. I won't allow us to stay here, but for now I just ask that you give me some time."

Konan kept eye contact with her partner for a few seconds before looking away. She'd known him long enough to know all of his moods.

After allowing herself some time to think, she noticed just how badly he must be feeling for everything that's happened. He was always hard on himself when he disappointed himself or her so knowing him, he must be heavily reprimanding himself. Knowing that, Konan's anger and tension seemed to face. She honestly had no desire to add to his troubles.

Above all, Konan knew Pein truly would do everything in his power to make things right. Accidents happen, and this was definitely a giant mess of an accident, but rather than to weigh him down and let her worries take over, she should put as much trust in him as she would in battle or at any other time.

Behind the pierced stoic face and black and red robe, Pein was still her dearest childhood friend; the same thoughtful and sensitive boy she had grown up with. And she'd continue support him just like she had promised to.

Konan's gaze finally softened. "I've said what's on my mind. No matter what you decide I'll follow your word just as I always have."

Pein gave no reply, though he also let himself relax more than he'd allowed himself to in a while. Even after everything that had happened in all of his years knowing Konan, and even after being at fault, he still had her support. He began to wonder if he did enough for her to make up for everything she gave.

The two settled into a comfortable silence until Konan spoke again.

"You spoke with Madara last night. How did it go?"

Pein let out a frustrated sigh. "He was understandably angry. We have no way of knowing if we succeeded in causing a war between Suna and Iwa. If we did, we're losing the chance of increasing our funds and reaping any other benefits by being here. Unless we get back quickly our attack will turn out to be for nothing", he vented while turning toward the large window in the room to look out to the city below.

Konan moved to join him and they stood together watching everything around them. The thick skyline, the violently grey sky and the swarms of people moving about beneath them. Since they arrived here, everything became a complete mess. It wasn't just him it was affecting, it was clear this ordeal was weighing heavily on everyone. With that thought Pein decided he had wasted enough time.

"Things are out of our control for now. All we can do is move forward. Come Konan, let's find somewhere where I can get to work."

oooooo

Itachi, Kisame, Tobi stood in front of the Theodore Hotel and Spa while Zetsu lingered hidden below ground.

The area looked very different from what they remembered from the previous night.

The endless shops in the street were now open. The roads were clogged by a stream of autos heading in both directions. And unlike the previous night, today the street was lively and crowded. The overcast weather and biting cold wind did nothing to discourage people from swarming the area.

"So what's the plan?" Kisame asked his partner, noticing the badly disguised stares he was getting from passer bys.

"Tobi thinks we should look in the stores! Tobi's sure we'll find something there!" the orange-masked man exclaimed to Itachi, his outburst calling more attention to their group.

It dawned on Itachi that he was being thrust into the leadership position for this mission. Zetsu wasn't an ideal or able leader. Tobi didn't seem like he was willing to drop his childish act and therefore would be close to useless, and while Kisame was a capable leader, he preferred to go with the flow unless he actually cared enough about something.

Itachi closed his eyes and cursed inwardly, trying to think of a quick way to get rid of Tobi in particular. With or without his childish act, the man was absolutely unbearable.

"It's crowded. Zetsu, since I understand this isn't ideal for you, you can scope out any areas of interest then guide us to them." Itachi spoke out loud, seemingly to no one. At his feet, a very familiar plant like appendage appeared just enough to show he understood before vanishing again.

"As for us, we'll split up and comb through the area until we hear from Zetsu. If either of you are having trouble or find something interesting, flare your chakra to notify the rest of the group. We'll meet up then."

As soon as Itachi finished speaking, he and Kisame split up and lost themselves in the ocean of people. They effectively ditched Tobi, leaving whatever the masked man was about to say unheard, and ignoring any protests to wait.

oooooo

Nightfall was fast approaching as the Akatsuki met at rendezvous point. The street lights had only recently turned on, and the area was slowly clearing out due to the threatening storm clouds that lingered above. The occasional claps of thunder were becoming more and more frequent as time passed.

The first to arrive in front of the striped building were Konan and Pein, shortly followed by Itachi's group. Itachi was casually snacking on what he called 'Marzipan' and offered some, as he had a large pocketful of it. Although Kisame kept giving the Uchiha hungry glances, he insisted he didn't like it and it was too sweet to eat any more than a taste. Konan accepted a piece and seemed to enjoy the it, while Tobi was rejected and was told he helped himself to too many of them earlier.

They waited awkwardly for a few minutes before Kakuzu arrived alone to lead them to their new base. They set out just as the rain was beginning to fall.

It was an easy 25 minute walk that ended when the miser stopped in front of a large but modest apartment building.

"We're here." Kakuzu announced.

"An apartment? Did Kakuzu-Senpai rent an apartment?" Tobi asked with his head tilting side to side.

"It's new construction. Most of the apartments are still empty but they have power and water. It should serve our purpose as long as we don't call any attention to ourselves."

"Did you break into someone's apartment? **Nice. Any goods?** What if they come back?" Zetsu asked.

"I said it's empty, so it probably hasn't been sold yet. No one's going to miss it for two days" the miser answered gruffly.

"What about the food?" Although Kisame tried to sound casual about it, it was clear he was eager to know. It had been an entire day and the shark man still hadn't eaten anything.

Kakuzu gave the taller man a bored look before answering. "It's already up there. The second balcony on the fourth floor."

Without delay, Kisame began using his chakra to climb to the aforementioned balcony, followed by Itachi and Tobi.

"You're sure no one lives here?" inquired Pein, hesitant about potentially breaking into an innocent civilians home and making themselves comfortable there. Knowing his group, something like that wouldn't end well for the innocent.

"If they do, we'll move to another apartment." The miser answered indifferently and gave a shrug. "As I said, most of them haven't been sold yet." He ended the conversation there and began climb to their new base as well.

The rain grew heavier, forcing any feelings of unease aside from Pein and Konan.

After the short climb to the aforementioned apartment, they entered to find everyone in the large combined living room, kitchen and dining room. The place was a quaint and barren two bedroom unit with blank white walls and amber colored hardwood floors.

The lights worked as mentioned and it was roomy enough for the ten people, even Zetsu who lingered near the balcony, to stretch out. It was very basic but would definitely fulfill their needs.

Pein and Konan were pulled from their observations to see an argument starting up.

"What the hell do you mean that's all you got to eat?!" Kisame shouted to Sasori, Deidara and Hidan.

Deidara's expression soured before ignoring the outburst entirely, choosing to continue melding the clay in his hands.

The shout woke Hidan from his nap, making him rub his eyes before shooting a sleepy and disoriented glare at the shark man.

Sasori didn't even bother to look away from his scroll though he provided an answer.

"That's. Everything. We. Got." the puppet master said slowly. "I won't repeat myself again."

"But this isn't even food!- No, It's something you put _on_ food. You're expecting us to live off of lemons?!" argued Kisame while reaching into the small mound of yellow lemons and taking one to hold out towards the three men. The fruit was so small in his hand that the shark man was able to wrap his hand fully around it.

"I know, that's what I said!" Hidan quickly joined in. "Then Kakuzu said we could eat the skins so I tried it but they tasted like shit too!"

"You _can_ eat the skins. I never said you'd like them" defended the miser.

"Then why the hell would I want to eat them then?!" shouted back the younger man.

Deidara let out a sigh before finally acknowledging Kisame and the commotion he'd started. "Just eat it. It's pretty bad but the skin _is_ kinda filling. Plus, we don't know when we'll get something else to eat, hn."

Kisame sulked at both replies, staring at the offending yellow fruit in his hand. "Couldn't you guys have at least gotten meat or bread or _something_? I've been looking forward to finally eating all day," the shark man sulked.

"We're broke and there's nothing to hunt. Unless you want to start eating rats or pigeons you'll have to settle for this, hn." Deidara turned away and made it clear he was done with that discussion.

Kisame looked from the lemon in his hand to the still open balcony door and back as he seemed to consider both choices.

"Kisame, you are not eating rats" Itachi scolded. "It's nowhere near a dire enough situation."

The shark man hesitated for a moment before agreeing. "...Fine. I'll eat the damn fruit." Kisame begrudgingly took a bite of the fruit and grimaced at its sour taste.

Things began to quiet down after that, making Pein take the time to address everyone.

"Now that everyone is settled, I have good and bad news to share. Konan and I were able to confirm with complete certainty that this is not our world. It's history, advancements, geography and global grievances are vastly different from ours. It may seem like old news, but I can say that is is no longer just a theory."

"On a more positive note, my progress on the jutsu has been much faster than I anticipated. I will continue to work on it tonight and if things go well, we may be able to leave in a few hours.

There were some excited reactions at that.

"Before I continue my work I want everyone to report anything interesting you've found" finished the Akatsuki leader.

Kakuzu's group had nothing too important to report aside from the streets being hard to navigate.

Itachi mentioned a gun range that Zetsu had led them to and explained the weapon's potential and deadly power. They had been unable to obtain a sample, but Itachi understood enough of how it worked to try to replicate it with help.

In between bites, Kisame told of his findings at an electronics store such as extremely advanced computers and what he understood of cell phones. The advancement and capabilities of this world's technology caught Pein's attention.

Pein thought it over for a second before speaking. "The cell phones would be convenient for the organization. Word could get around faster without having to depend on Zetsu or myself, while we could even share photographs... I will keep that in mind. Anything else?"

It ended with Tobi mentioning that he had not found much either, although he felt the need to share that stores in this world were very bold. He recounted having seen a store with giant pictures of women in underwear, shown in broad daylight in a busy shopping area with kids and all. As animated and excited as the orange-masked man was, it was useless news.

Immediately after Tobi was finished the impromptu meeting ended.

"I'll be working in one of the bedrooms. Don't disturb me unless it's important, and don't cause a mess."

With those orders Pein locked himself in one of the empty bedrooms with Konan, leaving the rest of the Akatsuki to themselves.

oooooo

For the next five hours everyone in the living room struggled to find something to do. They needed something to relieve their boredom and cure their restlessness.

No one wanted to wander the area because of the torrential rainfall and violent thunder and lightning outside, which meant they had to find something to do in the barren temporary base.

Kisame, Itachi, Kakuzu and Sasori fared the best. They spent their time reading, resting or tending to their weapons.

For the rest of the group the 'base' almost immediately started to feel like a prison. Some of the more easily bored members moved around restlessly and before settling on window watching.

Before long, they were watching the apartment building across the street. Tobi, Zetsu, Deidara and Hidan were entertained enough by squinting through the rain at a few well-placed televisions and sharing what they thought was happening. From what they could make out, the choices were news, some shitty soap opera and a movie about horses racing. Super lame, but it was still more interesting than watching the others sit around doing nothing.

Their snooping lost it's appeal after they saw a tall, muscular and **very** hairy man who had apparently just gone jogging in the storm... wearing nothing but an incredibly tight and incredibly short pair of shorts. His home was right across from them and it seemed the mountainous man didn't believe in curtains or privacy blinds. The yeti-man's body and thick coat of hair glistened with the flashes of thunder, leaving the four snoopers to stare, too dumbfounded to react to the mountain of a man in the window across from them.

They watched in mixed disgust and wonder as the beast stood with his back to them, then began to bend over and, _oh god_ he's getting undressed. He's getting undressed _straight across from their window_.

The change in behaviour in the four men had caught Itachi's attention. He moved near them to see what had his companions so enthralled and arrived just in time to see a skintight pair of shorts being peeled away from something large and hairy. Itachi was dumbfounded for only a second before he figured out what was happening and turned away from the window, cursing the sharingan for making him blinder yet giving him a far clearer vision of that nightmare than he'd ever want to see. At least he had a new illusion he could use to torture people with.

As the reactions began, Zetsu asked questions about the view, much like a child would. ' **Do all humans do that?** I didn't know humans could have so much hair all over. **Is it a mating dance?** I've never seen it! **He looks really chewy...** The way his body glistens and sprays that moisture on his skin. Is that human pollen?'

The questions went ignored as Deidara ripped off his scope while gagging. He moved as far from the window as he could and began to desperately work some clay in his hands, ignoring the raised brow Sasori gave him.

Tobi cried out that this was making him a bad boy and ran from the window, covering his mask's eye hole.

Hidan on the other hand, gagged but took it as an opportunity to call over his partner while promising there was something he would find interesting that could even make him money. As you can imagine, Kakuzu did not take his joke very well.

A fight broke out between the two immediately.

It was only after they destroyed the kitchen area, the balcony door and part of a wall that Kisame, Itachi, Sasori and Konan, who came to check what all the noise was about, stepped in to stop the fight.

Once things settled down, everyone avoided the windows and their boredom came back worse than ever. Though it had only been about 2 hours at that point, the temporary base was feeling smaller than before.

After another while, someone suggested having some arm wrestling matches. Enough people joined in to make it entertaining, at least until Kakuzu started a betting circle with what little money everyone had on them. Someone had also mentioned bragging rights of being the physically strongest in the Akatsuki, which brought out some very competitive behavior.

Things went on like that another two hours or so before there were accusations of cheating thrown around. Eventually another fight broke out between Kisame and Deidara, who got into a small tussle, grabbed each other and threw themselves (or each other depending on who you asked) through a wall and into the room where Leader was working.

Pein gave the two a fast sequence of an almighty pushes, throwing them out the fourth floor balcony and into the rain; destroying more of the apartment in the process. Once he saw how much damage they ( _they,_ not him) had caused, he gave the others a divinely-aided scolding and declared any fighting or equally destructive behavior forbidden, or there would be no more warnings, only consequences.

Having run out of things to do again, the criminals didn't know what to do with themselves.

It was already late, so Itachi, Kakuzu, Tobi and the irritated, bruised and soaked Kisame decided to call it a night. The others either needed no sleep, had already rested, or wanted to wait up in case their leader finished the Jutsu any time soon.

Seeing how the only ones awake in the room were Zetsu, Tobi, Sasori, Deidara and Hidan, the young immortal took it as another opportunity to do no good. After all, a bored Hidan was one of the more dangerous ways the man could get.

The immortal moved to sit near the cold and shivering bomber as the younger man worked to dry himself off.

'It's raining like a bitch. You must be cold', Hidan commented casually. 'You should warm up before you get sick, you know.'

Deidara looked at the immortal warily. He was never one to be concerned about anyone else and was obviously up to something. Deidara wasn't about to play into whatever trap the Jashinist was setting up.

"Hn. I guess."

'You know what'd warm you right up?' Hidan asked while leaning closer to the bomber, looking him over with a mischievous grin and strange spark in his eyes.

Deidara caught on to this and leaned back, pulling his wet cloak over himself, suddenly feeling self conscious of his drenched clothing clinging tightly to his body. He managed to glare back at the man in front of him. 'You better not be going where I think you're going with this.'

'You could snuggle right up to Kakuzu! He'd probably let you borrow his cloak at least.'

Okay, definitely not where Deidara thought this was going, but that was still an equally horrible suggestion. 'I don't have a death wish, hn.'

'C'mon! The dudes always warm! And he has a soft spot for you, blondie' argued the immortal.

Without missing a beat, Tobi joined in. 'It's true! Tobi has seen it too! Kakuzu-senpai really _really_ likes Deidara-Senpai! Maybe even more than Tobi! That's a lot Deidara-Senpai!'

By this point Sasori was only pretending to read his scroll while listening to the conversation between the three. He remembered what happened last night in the forest and wondered if he should interfere, but soon decided against it, if only to see just how things would continue to play out. Surely Deidara wouldn't be stupid enough to approach Kakuzu and ask for his body heat or cloak.

Zetsu on the other hand, saw what was happening and eagerly joined the two troublemakers.

'Are you telling me you haven't **noticed the looks he gives you?** ' asked Zetsu.

Looks of pure dismissal, barely-contained rage or annoyed pity, sure.

'No.' the bomber deadpanned.

'Or the special treatment?' asked Tobi.

After spending the entire day with the miser, Deidara was sure the older man went out of his way to belittle and demean him with every word sent his way. In fact, it was like Kakuzu had something against him. Even though they weren't on the best terms, or any terms really, he had never been treated so spitefully by the older man.

'Nuh uh.'

' **The offhanded compliments?** ' asked Zetsu again.

Not unless you considered the patronizing and backhanded insults he had to hear all day as a compliment. 'Listen, are you guys going somewhere with this?'

"I'm just saying if you're cold, there's someone who'd be more than glad to help you warm up...' grinned Hidan while motioning to Kakuzu's sleeping form sitting against a wall.

'I spend a lot of time with the fucker and we talk, you know? From what he's said about you, he'd definitely help you out if you just asked. You're practically his favorite person in this entire shitty organization' finished Hidan with an unsettling crooked smile.

Sasori noticed that his partner actually seemed to consider the offer and was tempted to interfere.. But again, should he?

On one hand, Deidara was an acceptable partner; Better than Orochimaru for sure. By joining Hidan's little game (Gods, that alone sounded like a horrible idea) would potentially send his partner to a premature death. The miser had already shown mercy once; It was foolish to think anyone other than the immortal brat would live after a second encounter with the man.

On the other hand, this was a very boring night and Sasori had always been a fan of watching tragedies unfold... And if Deidara was actually stupid enough to approach the miser, he might be far beyond help to begin with. After you cross a certain line, you just can't help someone.

Ultimately, Sasori didn't have to make a choice as the blonde wouldn't go near Kakuzu. Hidan, Tobi and Zetsu were persistent but after a couple of minutes they finally dropped the matter.

Things were peaceful and quiet after that. Everyone was either sleeping or somehow managing to keep busy.

Even later into the night, the rain and thunder picked up dramatically and the wind's direction changed. The strong winds were now blowing rain in through the broken balcony wall with enough reach to splash everyone.

Being pelted with rain during a storm with ground-shaking thunder wasn't the best way to wake up. Seeing that the weather wasn't going to calm down anytime soon, everyone decide to stay awake and move as far as they could from the gaping hole in the wall.

After being forced to sit closer together, somehow the group ended up asking Zetsu random things about himself and his plant-like parts. Surprisingly he had obliged and managed to hold everyone's interest.

oooooo

"You can feel with it?"

"Yep!"

"Does it hurt if you bend it?" asked Itachi.

" **Not unless it's enough to tear.** "

"What if someone pinches it?" asked Deidara while poking at the Venus flytrap-like appendage surrounding Zetsu.

Zetsu tilted his head and thought for a second. "Hmm... no one's ever pinched it. **I'll eat you whole if you try it.** "

"If you cut it off would it grow back?" Kisame asked, more out of boredom than any actual interest.

" **It's never had to grow back.** Why would I want to cut it off? I'm proud of it! I've been growing it my entire life you know!" answered the plant man. He beamed with pride while having his plant-like 'shell' open and close around himself a few times. "Doesn't it look healthy?"

"Do you share the same thoughts?" interrupted Sasori.

"Nope! We each have our own thoughts and brain. **Sometimes I wonder about that.** Hey… Don't start this..."

"Do you bleed real blood or do you bleed like.. sap or something?" asked Hidan, also out of boredom than any actual interest.

"That's getting personal... **Sap.** "

There was a knock at the front door that interrupted the mini interview session. The group of shinobi looked at the door and gathered it was two men. Weak, as expected from everyone here, but concerning because no one should be aware of them. No one should be able to notice them after having placed sound seals and a genjutsu to make the place look empty.

" **Who the hell is that?** "

"Be quiet." hushed Sasori.

"Do you think someone heard us?" asked Kisame.

"Nah, we've been quiet." answered Hidan casually.

Itachi turned to look at the silver haired man incredulously, or at least as incredulously as his range of expressions would allow. "We've partially demolished the place, had multiple fights break out and you personally took part of a shouting match of death threats earlier. Just how is that considered quiet?" asked Itachi in a hushed tone.

Hidan thought about it for a second. "Well, no one ever said we had to stay quiet to begin with. That's what the seals are for, idiot."

"Hey, shut up already, yeah?" whisper shouted Deidara.

Everyone stood still and waited to see if the newcomers would leave.

There was another knock. "Ashe Lake Police Department. Open up."

"Ignore it. They can't prove anyone is in an empty apartment." Kakuzu turned to get comfortable against the wall where he was sitting.

"We know you're in there. We saw you moving through the windows and see the lights are on."

"We just heard you talking too." added the second man with a trace of humor in his voice.

The eight missing-nin looked at each other with furrowed brows and looks of slight confusion. No one should be able to notice them, especially not civilians. The seals and genjutsu they always place in their bases made sure of that...

Wait.

A quick glance around the room confirmed there were no barrier seals set up anywhere. Come to think of it, no one had felt like any genjutsu was being used in the area the entire night either.

Well, fuck. They were pretty sure someone was supposed take care of that. Guess it was too late now.

"We got a call that about some trespassers causing noise and having a nasty domestic dispute. It's past midnight and people are trying to sleep, you know. Things will go easier for both of us if you just open the door so we can talk" persuaded the officers.

It seemed silly to keep acting like there was no one home, but at the same time no one wanted to have to deal with the hassle that was sure to come with their new guests; especially if they couldn't use violence without being punished for it later. It wasn't really anyone's specialty to solve problems.. with just _words_.. that didn't end with the other party fearing for their lives.

"This is your last warning. The property manager has given us access to the place if necessary" one of the officers threatened between some more knocks.

Deidara let out a tsk and crossed his arms bitterly. "Are we going to have to leave? The storm hasn't let up yet and Leader said he was almost done, hn."

"We will if you don't shut up" snipped Sasori.

They continued ignore the knocks for only a few seconds as Pein and Konan rejoined them. Pein announced that the long-awaited Jutsu was finally complete. Everyone was washed with a wave of relief.

"We'll be gone in a minute. Now, everyone stand within 5 feet of me" Pein ordered.

Everyone quickly moved within range to their leader. It was a little crowded but no one cared for such a small inconvenience if it would take them back to their world. Once everyone was in place, Pein began to focus and charge up for the long-awaited move he was about to perform.

As Pein began focusing, a weak and spotty blue glow appeared on the ground around the group. It was a few feet wide and successfully fit the 10 shinobi inside. The glow was slowly growing solid and steady.

Though he was trying to keep his focus, Pein couldn't help but think of how and why his last attempt had gone haywire. Using this jutsu correctly really did need a high level of concentration and chakra. It was a little more straining than it should be since the man was trying to ignore the incessant knocking and shouting from the front door, as well as stressing himself to take every precaution he could to make sure everything was perfect. There was no way he'd allow for another surprise like the one they had the previous night.

Pein was confident that he would succeed this time and in about 30 more seconds, they'd be back to their own world. They could get back to what really mattered: Gathering the resources they needed to collect the tailed beasts.

At around the 20 second mark, the two officers stepped into the apartment thanks to the keys the property manager had generously offered them.

Apparently the property manager had gotten complaints, went to investigate on his own and approached just in time to hear Kakuzu and Hidan's death threats, followed by the sound of a small demolition crew going wild. The property manager ran away before gathering up the courage to return a while later. On the second visit, they heard the other tussle breaking out between Kisame and Deidara, as well as Pein's response to it and wisely decided this was a matter better left to the authorities instead.

Now that the officers had opened the door and got a look at them and the half destroyed apartment that was broken into, they became wary and highly defensive about having to deal with the confirmed-to-be-violent cult in matching robes.

They were brandishing a scythe and what looked like a sword; who knew what other weapons they were hiding? The damned thunder that kept flashing dramatically behind them didn't help either.

Pein's neutral look became a sharp glare at the two new guests, before he shot a look for Konan to act in his stead.

Konan understood the look and immediately shot a glare to the four responsible for finding a base. "Tell me, how is it that civilians were able to notice we're here? "

"Turns out no one set up any seals" informed Kakuzu in a very flat matter-of-fact tone.

" **What should we do about them?** " asked Zetsu.

Konan narrowed her eyes at Kakuzu, ignoring Zetsu entirely.

"Kakuzu, explain to me how it could slip your mind to put up any type of seals, or genjutsu on a place we're using as a **base** ", the woman demanded, glaring sharply at the older man.

"I left Sasori in charge when I went to pick everyone up. I only inspected the place before leaving" was his reply. Konan's sharp look moved to the puppet master who remained as indifferent as always.

"I told the brats to do it" Sasori said with an impassive wave of his hand. Konan's sharp gaze moved accordingly.

"Danna was looking Hidan while he said that. I was standing on the other side of the room."

"He didn't even look at us jackass! And he only calls you brat so I thought you were gonna do it!"

"I call the both of you and the Uchiha brats, brat." The puppet master clarified.

"How the hell was I supposed to know that?!" defended Hidan.

Konan cut in before the derailing argument could go on any further. "How is it that none of you noticed that no one actually got around to doing it? What could possibly be so important to keep you from fulfilling such a basic yet vital task?"

"I was reading my scroll." Sasori drawled lazily. It was obvious he wasn't concerned in the least.

"I had to clean my mouths" answered the bomber while holding up both hands, each mouth opening and sticking its tongue out. The bomber seemed tired of this topic as well. "There was still dried clay between the teeth from Suna, yeah?"

Konan's look moved to the last of the three.

"I took a nap" the Jashinist deadpanned. "Just laid on down and knocked the fuck out. I didn't see shit until Sharky got here and started yelling."

Konan was now growing as livid. She felt a migrane coming on.

It had been a while since the entire organization had gathered for anything longer than a meeting. After seeing how badly everyone worked together, it was a miracle no one had managed to get caught by now. This level of carelessness and downright idiocy would be insulting for even a genin- no, an academy student to make.

Unfortunately for the woman, the conversation and throw of blame was cut off when the officers ordered the group to raise their hands and lay on the ground.

"Enough talking! All of you quiet down and get on the ground! If you don't cooperate we'll use force!" At the mention of using force, one of the officers moved his hand over a weapon holstered to his waist. This caught Itachi's group's attention. Those officers had two guns each! Maybe they could get a sample one before they left.

Konan had no intentions of even pretending to do as the officers said, so she ordered for someone to be a distraction while remaining ready to jump back into the jutsu's range. At the order, the mass of bodies moved in unison to push one unlucky soul out of the circle and towards the officers.

That unlucky soul was Hidan.

No one was concerned really. He had a big mouth, a short temper and zero risk of dying, or anyone missing him in the rare case that he did. He was unanimously the most annoying and disliked Akatsuki member.

He'd be the the perfect distraction!

"Damn it! Why the hell are you assholes all turning on me?!" Hidan shouted.

"You just have to keep them busy for a couple of seconds." answered Deidara. His words didn't sound anywhere as comforting or convincing as he probably meant for them to.

"Besides, you're the one that forgot to put the seals up" Sasori added, irritation clear in his voice.

"Hey, Hey Hidan! They got guns! Can you let yourself get shot?" Kisame asked casually, as if he were asking to switch seats with someone or share some sake with a buddy. "If you act up they'll use them on you. I wanna see just how much it can really do, neh?"

"Why in the hell would I let myself get shot? Are you fucking retarded?!" shouted the younger immortal, growing even more irritated at the group behind him.

"C'mon, It's not like you'll die" persuaded Kisame.

"Stop being a child. I'd like to see what all the fuss is about too" added Kakuzu, his arms crossed impatiently.

"Tobi thinks that Hidan-Senpai is _scared_!" Tobi raised a hand to stifle a giggle.

" **Wuss!** I didn't take you for someone to back out of challenges." goaded Zetsu.

Hidan grit his teeth before looking back to Konan.

"Hey, are you gonna let them talk to me like that? What happened to all that camaraderie bullshit you and leader are always spouting?"

"Camaraderie is vital, however this is very important knowledge. You're already on thin ice because of this, so don't disappoint us." the stand-in leader threatened.

Konan looked to Pein noted he looked pleased. This was valuable knowledge for them; It had nothing to do with Hidan being overdue for some sort of punishment for his complete disregard for authority, or Pein's deep rooted dislike for the man, or even that he had forgotten to place seals on their base, no. Konan and Pein weren't that petty at all. It was simply research; They had to know what a gun could really so they could assess its usefulness.

The Jashinist meanwhile was pissed. What kind of assholes were they, **ordering** him to **let himself** get shot? Granted, he didn't know what being shot was like but from what fish-dick, the nerd and the lollipop said, it probably hurt like a bitch.

"Nice friends, buddy. Listen, don't give us any trouble and we'll go easy on you when we get you to the station" coaxed the second officer, his eyes nervously shifting between the lone silver-haired man in the front and the huddled group behind him.

"Tch, Like I'm gonna take some bitch offer like that. C'mon assholes, show me what you've got!" Hidan taunted while reaching for his scythe and pointing it at the two men. His movements were deliberately slow, giving the officers enough time to reach for their weapons, still trying to pacify the man before them.

There was a tense stand-off while both parties waited for the other to make a move. For about seven seconds neither party moved.

Hidan took a small step forward. The two officers kept their aim on him and took one step back. Another warning was given.

Another couple of seconds passed.

Just as Hidan was going to make an aggressive lunge Pein announced that it was almost time to go. Hearing the order, the silver haired immortal immediately jumped back to get in range of his leader.

The rest of the Akatsuki either groaned loudly in disappointment or they internalized the reaction, sulking a little instead. They did little to hide their disappointment at not watching their companion get hurt.

"For god's sake" muttered a very irritated Sasori, using one of his chakra strings to pull the unused weapon in the first officer's hand towards him before knocking the men over.

Kakuzu had a similar train of thought and stretched one of his hands to grab the other weapon, keeping it to view later.

It was making things easier that both officers were already frozen in fear; Obviously they had never seen any sort of jutsu before this.

"What the fuck!" shouted Hidan, "Why the hell didn't you guys do that in the first place!?" His anger was then directed at Sasori. "You could have fucking held them down until we left or something!"

Sasori only gave a bored hum and proceeded to inspect the newly acquired weapon. Konan interfered and quieted the other man down.

After a day-long distraction, things were finally going to go back to normal. Everyone could go back to fulfilling their Akatsuki duties as well as their own personal goals. Pein felt a surge of eagerness in him and finally cast his jutsu.

"Circle of Judgement: Divine Reach!"

The circle of light below the Akatsuki members flared up to a nearly blinding level and then ... dimmed.

The glow returned to its former steady glow, leaving the group of missing-nin in the same apartment with two perplexed officers still frozen in place.

Pein, noticing it hadn't succeeded cast it again.

He was certain that the jutsu was completed. He tested it on a much smaller scale with Konan and succeeded each time. Adding to that, if he had performed the jutsu once before while his chakra was low, then there should be absolutely no problem now. So why wasn't it working?!

Pein grit his teeth and decided to try again, and again. There was no way this could fail.

Meanwhile the Akatsuki members were deflating and exchanged concerned glances at the realization that their best bet home had failed. Their leader's composure was slipping and that did nothing to reassure anyone in the group.

After another attempt, Itachi spoke up. "Leader, are you sure it's complete? Perhap-"

" **It's done.** " the pierced man snapped, silencing the raven haired man with the added glare and heavy air radiating off of him.

Itachi stood with the same impassive look as always, though the mood between the two men had clearly changed. Never before had anyone seen their leader's behavior slip like this, yet they knew better than to set themselves up as the next target for him.

Konan was the only one who dared to talk to him.

"Perhaps the destination is the problem. Try taking us somewhere else. As long as you can get us back to our world we'll manage to find our way" Konan suggested. It was only Pein who was familiar enough to notice the warmth and concern lacing her voice.

Pein composed himself enough and attempted to use the jutsu again with a new destination in mind.

The steady glow under everyone grew once again until it was blinding and _finally_ they felt themselves move.

The next moment the group of ten was standing in the torrential rain and thunder, in a partially flooded children's playground that looked as equally foreign as the rest of this godforsaken world.

No one dared to speak. They didn't know what to do, honestly. Within seconds they were almost soaked from the weather, but that seemed like the least of their problems right now.

Could this some sort of joke that their leader was playing on them? No, he wasn't the kind to do something like that. Besides, he looked so distraught that everyone could tell he was just as surprised as everyone else.

The group of 10 stood lost in thought for almost a minute before their somber mood was interrupted by a clicking sound and a strange groan. They quickly found Hidan acting strangely while Sasori smiled in pure satisfaction while holding one of the newly acquired weapons. A few thin strings connected the two.

The immortal's body jolted, tensing up to the point of quivering, then fell to the muddy floor with a wet splat, while he released a sound that was a mix between a low growl and a grunt. The attack lasted a around 7 seconds before leaving the man as a groaning, limp-limbed mess.

His comrades watched blankly.

"Goodness" muttered Sasori, feigning shock. "My apologies, Hidan. Good thing there's no harm done" the puppet finished with a malicious smirk.

"Hn. There was no bullet." Itachi sounded disappointed by the observation. "It didn't have the loud sound we heard earlier. Perhaps it isn't a gun."

"It might not do much damage but it may still be a useful weapon" Konan added, also with no concern for her companion.

"I'm telling ya, a bullet would've really done some damage." Kisame was hands down the most disappointed out of the group.

"Ghhh... you fucking..." groaned Hidan. He struggled to stand up as his movements were sluggish and uncoordinated. The muddy ground wasn't doing him any favors either.

"Why the hell did… did you shoot me, you prick?!" the jashinist shouted breathlessly, barely having succeeded at kneeling in the mud.

"My hand slipped. I wasn't aware it would trigger the device" was the insincere answer he received from the smug redhead.

"He looks like he's having a hard time moving, yeah?" Deidara looked on with one arm across his torso and the other hand brought up to his face pensively, taking time to move his now drenched bangs aside.

"It seems the weapon used electricity to affect his central nervous system, making it difficult for him to control his body. Even though It's not a gun, it seems useful for debilitating a target. Shame it didn't give him a hard time speaking too" commented Itachi, having had enough time to assess the damage and probable cause.

"That's just his normal uncoordinated stupidity" dismissed Kakuzu. "I don't think it had any effect on him".

Having been snapped out of their stupor enough to talk casually again and with the somber silence gone, everyone turned to their leader to hear what they'd do now.

Pein looked at the 8 tired and drenched people crowded around him and the one still struggling to stand. Some were looking to him with expectant eyes, others were already discouraged but still not showing any anger towards him.

Whether they still believed that he could get them back home or not, it weighed on him that they still looked to him. The guilt he was carrying threatened to swallow him whole.

It was time to admit it to himself: He had failed. He failed with the jutsu. He failed as a leader. He failed at telling everyone the truth.. And now he had no other ideas to get everyone home.

Yet despite this, they still looked to him for direction.

Having finally come to terms with how permanent this situation could be, he allowed himself to think of all of the repercussions of his mistake. Because of him, the Akatsuki were now stuck in a foreign shinobi-less world with no money, no bases, no contacts and not much knowledge about... well, anything really. They didn't even have wilderness to camp on or thrive off of.

And the worst of it was that this wasn't some unexpected little excursion, or a day trip they would be returning from soon, no. As far as he could tell, they were stranded indefinitely.

Pein was glad his stoic expression never faltered, using that benefit to come off as far more confident and composed than he was feeling. Clinging onto that false confidence, he finally addressed the the group.

"It's been a long day. We'll plan and get some rest for now. Tomorrow morning we'll proceed with any alternative plans we've come up with."

After a short pause, his words were met with halfhearted nods.

* * *

AN: They left the lemons behind so they're back to no food too.

But anyway, now that this boring prologue stuff is out of the way, time for the fun stuff!

 **SkippingThrough** : Thanks a ton for the review and follow! :D That alone is way more than I was expecting to get, much less for the first chapter! I'm glad you think the characters aren't ooc. Honestly I think trying to keep them in character makes me drag on a bit since most of the Akatsuki would be too stubborn or proud to take the most straightforward, peaceful, legal and non-shinobi solution to a lot of problems.

 **XAkatcutiesX** : Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying it! :D

Updates are luck of the draw really. :( I'll aim for twice a month at best, once a month at least.

My SO took a job offer that was super sudden and unexpected and now we're moving to a new state, completely blind about the area. It's going to be our first time living on our own and have to settle in there by the end of the month, so it's kinda stressful.

I also have a work project right now that's taking up most of my time and burning me out constantly. It'll probably continue this way until around the end of August, which is why updates are nowhere near as frequent as I'd like.

Once both are settled though, hopefully I can update waaaay more often! :D

Thanks again for reading!


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